350 Highly tuned, expensive, fast and quite nice cars and then us lot - The Craptrumps team together with the Slow Car Club descend upon the Santa Pod raceway September 4th 2005. The day is gorgeous, the team hungover and we're in hysterics from the moment we wake.
is with the owner of very shiny, very loud bright red Escort mark I with no bonnet and a massive engine sticking out of it looking like it should be strafing communist troops rather than straight line racing: We are in the mascot Transit van: The conversation is disappointing & we feel a touch out of place
Escort MK 1 |
Whoah, What you got under there mate |
Craptrumps Boutros |
Er...... 2.5 Litre |
| Disappointed look from the Escort Pilot | |
Craptrumps Boutros |
......Diesel |
| He's now getting rather upset | |
Craptrumps Boutros |
......Automatic |
Escort MK 1 |
......Oh |
| We don't speak again | |
| Needless to say I am not victorious............. In fact I now understand just how crap the mascot van is |
is no more stimulating than the first: This time with the owner of a quite awful Renault 5 with full body kit and hugely oversized alloys
Craptrumps Nick |
Alright there sunbeam..... Fancy putting one of our stickers on your car? |
Renault 5 |
What is it? |
Craptrumps Nick |
A sticker...... |
Renault 5 |
No |
Craptrumps Nick |
Why Not? |
Renault 5 |
'cos my car isn't crap He is now offered a "Slow Car Club" Sticker |
Craptrumps Nick |
What about this one? |
Renault 5 |
What is it? |
Craptrumps Nick |
A sticker...... |
Renault 5 |
No |
Craptrumps Nick |
Why Not? |
Renault 5 |
'cos my car isn't slow |
Craptrumps Nick |
Would you like to burn the midnight oil discussing this? |
He looks like he wants to say something...... But can't We Don't speak again.....lol |
See look at this - what an absolute turd of a vehicle! Our reaction time was 1 second off the blocks - the Subaru's reaction was 2 seconds yet we've barely left the line and he's already a clear 15 yards ahead - I've fallen over laughing at this point.
When the printout comes it turns out that the Subaru has done the 1/4 mile in an impressive 11 seconds crossing the line at a whopping 143 mph
The crapvan on the other hand with the sturdy Derek behind the wheel crosses the line at a measly 42 mph and creaks to the finish line in just below half a minute
A little latter Craptrumps Boutros tries his hand at the wheel of the Daewoo Nexia 1.3. The conteders must have been either wholly disappointed by the competition but our feeling was that they were scared - either way he raced alone and Boutros screamed to the 1/4 mile mark in an underestimated 17 seconds crossing the line at 72mph
